3 Ways to feed your newborn as a non-gestational parent
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There are hundreds of ways to feed a newborn. So many, in fact, that most parents can feel overwhelmed with the options, schedules, tools, and whether what they choose is actually “the right way” or “the best way.”
Similarly, there are hundreds of ways to make a baby and become a parent. This article is for the non-gestational parents—the parents who aren’t growing or birthing their child, but who are choosing parenthood with intention and love. Remember, parenting is a verb—genetics don’t make parents.
Whether your baby has been born or is still just a dream in your mind, planning ahead for how you’d like to feed them is an important step in the family-building process.
So let’s get into it.
We’ll cover three main options here, keeping in mind that these are not the top three “best” ways; there is a plethora of options and often parents choose a combination based on the ebb and flow of the postpartum period.
Inducing Lactation
Most bodies, whether assigned female or male at birth (AFAB or AMAB respectfully), have the capacity to lactate.
The tissues and structures behind the nipple on most chests have the physiological potential to produce and release milk when stimulated by a specific combination of hormones, mechanics, and other physiological events. Mammary tissue exists within the chests of AFAB, AMAB, and even most intersex bodies.
A growing body of research shows a significant success in inducing lactation with a variety of protocols, the scope of which is beyond this article. Getting support and guidance in inducing lactation is possible with a midwife, a lactation consultant, some OB/GNS, and some doulas.
The process and success rate for encouraging your body to produce milk will depend on a number of factors, including how much mammary tissue you have, whether your body tolerates the hormones and herbs needed, and whether or not your daily schedule is conducive to the manual pumping and stimulation required to encourage lactation production.
One of the main benefits of body feeding is the opportunity to transfer beneficial antibodies, vitamins, and hormones that your baby may not otherwise get. For many parents, this is an important factor in choosing to induce lactation.
If this is an option you’d be considering, keep in mind this is a lengthy process with a number of steps involved. It is recommended to begin finding a supportive professional with a background in inducing lactation as early as 6-9 months prior to the birth of your baby.
Donor Milk
When you want the benefits of human milk (see the resources page to learn more) but inducing lactation is not an option or a desirable choice for your family, donor milk from milk sharing networks is an increasingly popular alternative for non-gestational parents or parents with low milk supply.
Lactating folx who pump and store their milk may choose to donate any excess supply either to a milk bank or through mutual aid networks, such as the Human Milk for Human Babies (HM4HB) international network (see resources).
When choosing and picking up donor milk, remember to transport it in insulated, freezer containers with lots of ice as it will quickly become unsafe to drink if it’s left at room temperature for too long.
Another thing to be aware of is quantity; newborns will start by needing only a couple ounces in the first day or two after birth, but will gradually increase their needs to as many as 6 ounces per feeding every three to four hours by the time they are 8 weeks old.
Frozen donor milk remains good between 6 and 12 months after it’s expressed from the body if frozen right away; with this in mind, non-gestational parents may want to begin looking for and storing donor milk before the expected birth date of their baby.
Some molecules that are circulating the lactating person’s body may be small enough to be transferred into the milk supply, and into your baby’s body. Most of these are beneficial; for example, Vitamin K. However, certain prescription medications, herbs, and alcohol may also accumulate in some quantity in the milk supply. Milk banks will process donations and ensure the safety of the milk; if you’re accepting a donation from an individual through mutual aid, it is acceptable to inquire about what they ingested in the hours leading up to expressing the milk. Drawing boundaries around certain chemicals is a choice and right you have as a parent; you’ll find that most people wishing to donate their milk are understanding and transparent. Gentle and clear communication is key.
Formula
Finally, let’s talk about formula. There are a number of factors that would encourage parents to choose this method for their newborn. While formula is limited in comparison to some of the benefits of human milk, it’s still a perfectly healthy option that will support the growth and development of a newborn well until they are ready to begin eating solid foods.
Choosing the brand and type of formula will depend on a few factors, such as cost, the gestational age of your baby at birth (premature babies have more needs than those born at term), and whether or not your baby is showing signs of some allergic or adverse reaction to a specific formulation. A lactation consultant, midwife, or pediatrician will support this assessment and make recommendations accordingly.
One of the benefits of powdered formula is that it is shelf stable and does not need to be frozen, making it convenient to mix and travel with.
The cost of formula ranges from a couple hundred dollars a month, up to a $1,000 a month, depending on the brand. Liquid formula tends to be more expensive than powdered formula, and liquid concentrates fall somewhere in the middle.
Many parents may find that the most supportive “system” for feeding their newborn is actually a combination of all three of these options. In the same way that adults have a variety of preferences and needs day to day with regards to their nutrition, newborn feeding patterns will also ebb and flow.
The options and choices for feeding your newborn may feel daunting, that’s okay! It’s important to remember you’re the expert of your own priorities and you can trust your parent instincts. Whatever feeding option you choose, lean into your village for support and don’t do it alone. Lactation consultants, midwives, doulas, pediatricians, and nutrition coaches are all available professionals in addition to your chosen family and friends. You got this!
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